If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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