My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Randomize
