y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Ketchup is God's man juice
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
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