If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
