Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Randomize
