and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
