I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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