Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
