Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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