Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
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