Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize