i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
