dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
