do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
This is classic penis vs brain.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
