I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
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