Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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