i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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