I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
