I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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