so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
