just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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