id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
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