Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
