i think i have herpe
just one?
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
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