we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
