worst night to have a conscience
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Randomize
