end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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