i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
