I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize