I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Randomize
