With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Randomize
