Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
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