My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
What a dumb baby whore.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
