sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
