This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
