Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Randomize
