i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
