I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
