So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
