adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
