I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
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We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
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How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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