I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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