I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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