drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
