she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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