You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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