dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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