God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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