Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
