His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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