Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
