All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Randomize
