Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
