I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
