pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
