I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize