Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
