note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
