so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
