I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
