I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize
