My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Randomize
