I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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