I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Randomize
