I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
