You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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