just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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