his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
