if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
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We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
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I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize