His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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