hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
