Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
